


God of the New World

by still_lycoris



Category: Death Note, Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-02-16
Updated: 2008-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-07 01:45:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1114057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_lycoris/pseuds/still_lycoris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Light, Matsuda and Mikami struggle to eke out an existence in "the new world" that Harold Saxon rules.</p>
            </blockquote>





	God of the New World

Light woke up cold.

He didn’t remember when he’d last been properly warm. It felt like forever. His stomach was gnawing with hunger and his shirt felt too thin over his body.

“Matsuda?” he muttered petulantly, because Matsuda was supposed to be beside him, keeping him warm, that was what Matsuda was there for. Matsuda didn’t answer and Light grudgingly sat up. He spotted the former police officer a little way away, bent over Mikami, murmuring something that was probably meant to be comforting. Light felt a pang of jealousy and folded his arms, glaring over at them both. Somehow, Matsuda and Mikami had formed and unlikely sort of friendship with each other over these past few months and Matsuda spent a lot of time gently trying to coax Mikami into eating or sleeping properly, even striking up conversations with him. Mikami responded surprisingly well to much of this, sometimes better than he did for Light.

Light didn’t like that.

Matsuda turned and saw Light watching them, blinked and gave him a smile that was that was a mere shadow of what it had once been.

“Light-kun! I’ll get us something to eat in the minute, I think Yuuko-san’s around with her cart and she might have something good today, our stores are pretty depleted after the other day … ”

His voice was dull, injected with a fake sort of cheer that made Light feel vaguely nauseous. He nodded and ran his fingers through his hair, hating the slick greasiness of it. He loathed being dirty.

“How is he?” he asked, nodding at Mikami.

“Another nightmare,” Matsuda said, that ghostly-smile on his face again. “He’s okay, I think … ”

_As okay as anyone_ Light thought and almost laughed. Mikami had never been very okay to begin with so how Matsuda hoped the man might be improving after the other day …

Better not to think about it.

“I’m hungry,” he mumbled, that childish petulancy in his voice and Matsuda sprang up instantly, nodding and going over to the pitiful tin with their stash of valuables in it. He shuddered as he opened it and Light wanted to mock him but didn’t. What would be the point?

“Light … ” Matsuda murmured tentatively. “We … we’re running out of money … ”

“I know. I’ll think of something.”

“We … we could try looking for the oth – ”

“I _said_ I’ll think of something!”

Matsuda cowered and closed the tin, mumbling apologies, then crept out of the room like a whipped dog. Light crawled over to Mikami, who was at least warm. Mikami’s eyes opened at once and he clutched at Light’s shirt, mumbling incoherently. He was getting worse, Light thought detachedly. He’d been bad even before the disaster of the other day and now, he seemed to be losing all control.

“Shut up and let me sleep,” Light ordered and Mikami obeyed at once, curling into Light and wrapping his arms tightly around Light’s waist. Light felt the man’s hair brush against his neck and felt dirtier than ever. Mikami wasn’t even all that warm. Sleep would not return so easily and now there was nothing but mixed up thoughts and memories and struggles to make plans.

“Ryuk?”

“Still here, Light.”

It was a relief, somehow. Ryuk was a _constant_ , more so even than Matsuda and Light had dreams where he would wake up and the Shimigami would be gone and then everything would end, he knew it …

“Bored,” Ryuk added. “Hungry.”

“Fuck off, Ryuk, we can’t even feed ourselves, you won’t die, you won’t … ”

His voice went high-pitched and Ryuk laughed his horrible laugh.

“Scared, Ratio?”

“No!”

But the whimper in his voice gave him away and he curled into Mikami and tried not to think, because it only hurt and later, later he’d work it all out, later it would be okay, he was God and invincible …

He was so cold. It was still so damn _cold._

Why had this happened? How had this all come about? One day it had all been normal, fine, safe, then fire from the skies, fire and blood and all the screaming and pulling Matsuda with him because Matsuda wouldn’t let go anyway, hiding and needing Mikami because Mikami had the Eyes …

They’d been lucky that Mikami had survived. Luckier still to find him, paralysed with terror, babbling meaninglessly about impossible names. He clung to Light and sobbed on Light’s lap, calling him Kira-sama and Matsuda had barely reacted because it hadn’t mattered any more.

Light didn’t think he’d been lucky since.

“Light-kun? She had soup, _hot_ soup, and biscuits and she gave me some chocolate cause I have a sweet face! Isn’t that nice of her, Light-kun? You and Mikami-san can share it if you like though, don’t worry! Come on, you need to drink the soup while it’s hot, Light-kun … ”

Matsuda sounded so hopeful. Light untwisted himself from Mikami and greedily gulped at the soup that Matsuda held out to him. Luke-warm and tasteless but it was _food_ and he was so hungry. They’d had a goodish store of food before but two days ago, a group of savages (Light refused to think of them as people) had broken in and stolen most of it. They would have taken everything but Mikami had thrown himself at them in fury, laying into them almost like a savage himself. He’d cried with shame afterwards at having given into such base violence and Matsuda had cuddled him while Light watched, reassuring him that he’d done well, he’d saved some of their food, that it was all going to be okay ...

Light hadn’t known what to do.

He forced himself to smile and Matsuda and Matsuda smiled back, that optimism of his still bubbling under the shell of despair that covered him. It annoyed Light but he loved it too because he _needed_ it and he reached out and touched Matsuda’s limp hair, playing with it. Matsuda gave a soft sigh and briefly, Light revelled in his own power. Even now, he wasn’t helpless, even now they still belonged to him. 

Mikami stirred again and Matsuda turned his attention away, gently encouraging Mikami to sit up and eat. Mikami obeyed but hardly ate, his eyes flicking anxiously from side to side, muttering about the numbers and his failure, his hopeless failure …

“You didn’t fail,” Matsuda said. “It wasn’t your fault, Mikami-san.”

But that angered Light because it _was_ Mikami’s fault, of course it was, what could Harold Saxon possibly have as a real name that was so impossible to write, what could the numbers possibly do to hurt? They’d had a chance and Mikami had ruined it by screaming and weeping and clawing at his face until the blood ran and everyone had backed away from them and the Toclafane had been so close and all the whirring and terror and death so close, so close …

Matsuda had saved them, comforting Mikami, appealing for help around them, claiming that Mikami was having a fit, carefully concealing the Death Note that had fallen from Mikami’s hands when he’d begun screaming. Light had just cowered, frozen until Matsuda had taken his hand and pulled him away. He’d _frozen_. He was worthless. Things kept happening and he kept _freezing_ , kept staring in blank terror while they were attacked and people stole things and hurt each other and …

No. No, no, _no_ , he was a _God_ , this world _needed_ him, this was all some horrible mistake, somehow this was all just a mistake …

He turned his attention to Mikami, giving the man a delicate kiss on the cheek and softly encouraging him to eat. He could feel Matsuda’s eyes fixed on them and knew that Matsuda’s face burned with jealousy. Good. They were _both_ his and he wouldn’t have them get complacent. Without him, they were _nothing_ and that was just how it was.

Matsuda wanted to find the others, he knew. Wanted to seek out old friends and family, find out what had happened. He had to believe they were still alive. Light had to believe that they were all dead. He knew they were, knew what had happened and it was just the way things were. Aizawa and Ide and Mogi were dead, his mother and sister were dead, Misa was dead and that was how it was.

He missed Misa. He missed them all. Somewhere out there, Near was dead too and somehow that hurt because it wasn’t fair, it shouldn’t have been like this …

He gave Mikami another kiss, on the lips this time, warm and lingering and Mikami sighed with happiness and Matsuda gave a jealous little groan that he meant to be inaudible but that Light heard clearly. Maybe he’d fuck Matsuda today, outside where Mikami could hear them but not see them. That would bring Mikami out of himself and give Matsuda something too and Light wouldn’t be alone because Matsuda would be right there, all warm and needy and Light’s, all Light’s …

“People of Japan!”

The voice rang out from everywhere, as it always did. Matsuda cowered automatically, fists clenching. Mikami shrank down too, his hands reaching out for where the Death Note was hidden as though it could protect him. Light wouldn’t, he _wouldn’t_ react but somehow, he was closer to Mikami, holding his hand so tightly that it hurt.

“I have been thinking,” that hated voice drifted over them. “Long and hard. It’s been a difficult choice, you see. I do, after all, try to be _fair_ , I always try to be fair. But sometimes, one person spoils the fun for everyone, don’t they? One person just … well, is a little bit naughty and we all have to suffer the consequences of that.”

He paused, probably to allow his words to sink it, to cause the maximum amount of fear. Matsuda had wriggled closer and he whispered fearfully “What does he mean, Light-kun?” but Light didn’t answer.

“Great Lord Kira!”

The voice boomed out mockingly and Matsuda gave a shocked little moan of terror and to his horror, Light heard the same sound mirrored in his own throat.

“I have to give you points for trying,” that loathed voice said patronisingly. “Quite a good effort really, wasn’t it? But really, philosophically speaking, it was all a bit hypocritical, wasn’t it? And certainly a little … well, immature, to say the least. A certain lack of judgement there really. All a bit sordid. And I don’t think I can rely on you, can I? I think you could be … well, a bit troublesome really. And I really can’t have a little annoyance like you potentially get in the way of my plans.”

There was a laugh in that voice, as though there was something funny.

“You see what I mean, people of Japan? One bad apple spoils the barrel. Better just to … well, burn the lot really. And start with a whole fresh barrel. Wouldn’t you say?”

The first _**boom**_ came then, distant enough but close enough to hurt the ears. Light went to the window, saw the pillars of smoke, heard the next _**boom**_ and then the screams began as everyone began to realise what was happening.

“No,” Matsuda said lamely. “No that … that’s not _fair!_ Light-kun, that’s not _fair!_ ”

Light didn’t answer. There was no answer. He couldn’t think of anything to say. Anything to do. But he was Yagami Light, he was _Kira_ , he _couldn’t_ be defeated, he knew _everything_ , he was a _God_ , why couldn’t he _think?_

Matsuda was sobbing softly and when Light turned, he saw that Matsuda was holding Mikami protectively in his arms, as though to shield him from the coming fire. Ryuk was laughing again.

“Bit of a dull ending to it all, wouldn’t you say, Light?”

Light still didn’t speak. He was numb from head to foot. This couldn’t be how it was to end. It couldn’t …

Another _**boom**_ and Light’s ears really hurt now. Fire and smoke and screaming, all that screaming and pain and … and …

_I don’t want to die …_

A hand closed on his and Matsuda pulled him down, hugging him close. He was crying and Light thought he heard him mumble “Chief, I’m so sorry … ”

_Did you really do it all for my father?_

_**Boom.** _

“Kami,” Mikami whispered, hand closing around Light’s arm. “Kami, you won’t leave me behind, will you …?”

_Do you really still believe I can save you?_

_**Boom.** _

Ryuk was still laughing.

_You bastard, you never even cared …_

_**Boom.** _

Less screaming now. Or could Light just not hear it any more?

_I don’t want to die, please, I don’t want to die …_

_**Boom.** _

Light’s last thought as the flames came was that at least he would be warm.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2008 livejournal 40fandoms challenge


End file.
